Oh, deary me
My little brother's in his bedroom
Smoking weed
I tell him he should get up
'Cause it's nearly half-past three
He can't be bothered
'Cause he's high on THC

I ask him very nicely
If he'd like a cup of tea
I can't even see him
'Cause his room is so smoky
Don't understand
How one can watch so much TV
My baby brother Alfie
How I wish that you could see

Oh, I only say it 'cause I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair
Now, now, there's no need to swear
Please don't despair
My dear mon frère

Oh, Alfie get up
It's a brand new day
I just can't sit back
And watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job
Because the bills need to get paid
Get off your lazy arse
Alfie, please use your brain

Surely there's some walls out there
That you can go and spray
I'm feeling guiltier
For leading you astray
Now how the hell do you ever expect
That you'll get laid
When all you do is stay in
Playing your computer games

Oh, I only say it 'cause I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair
Now, now, there's no need to swear
Please don't despair
My dear mon frère

Oh, little brother
Please refrain from doing that
I'm trying to help you out
So can you stop being a twat?
It's time that you and I
Sat down and had a little chat
And look me in the eye
Take off that stupid filthy cap

Oh, I only say it 'cause I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair
Now, now, there's no need to swear
Please don't despair
Please don't despair
My mon frère